Demons
by Dakota Riley
Summary: Inner demons. Everyone had them, right? Everyone knew how the had excellent timing, and always seemed to know exactly when you were feeling down. Like, this moment. All he wanted to do was get drunk and sleep. Royai, Roy POV. Contemplation.


Inner demons. Everyone had them, right? Everyone knew how the had excellent timing, and always seemed to know exactly when you were feeling down. Like, this moment. All he wanted to do was get drunk and sleep. The pain and guilt that was still left over from his friend's death was currently dangling over his head by a thin string. A single nudge was all he needed to topple over the edge between insanity and sanity. Just one little push in the wrong direction.

Unfortunately, he was surrounded by reasons to leap over the edge himself. The Elric brothers, for example. Something about those boys touched him, and pissed him off at the same time. They were so young when it had happened. Hell, they were still so young! He hadn't really realized it until he noticed the way his Lieutenant would always talk to them with that gentle, caring voice he so rarely heard. The way his team would treat them whenever they came to report in. It sickened him. They were far too young to be sucked into the Hell that the real world really was.

His team was another good example. Havoc, Breda, Falman, even young Furey. They were all so loyal to him, and what did he do for them in return? Nothing. He was pitiful, useless. All he could do was sit back and dream while his faithful team did all the heavy lifting and work. He had never seen a more loyal team of men. And a woman.

That woman, of course, being First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye. His rock, his pillar of strength. His best friend on more than one occasion, his drinking buddy on few occasions. His ride home more often than he cared to admit. She was the reason he was still alive today. Compared to her, his team had no loyalty at all. None. She was like that little nagging voice in the back of your head, except more beautiful. And tangible. She was always there, watching over him. Protecting him. When he told her that she had permission to shoot him if he strayed off the correct path, he hadn't been kidding. Occasionally, he wasn't sure if she realized that or not. Then there were other times when she would give him that look. Oh, that look. That sharp look that she somehow formed by creasing her brows and looking at him with immense patience. That look that could send shivers up his spine but warm his broken heart at the same time. That look that was never used on anyone else, it was reserved for him.

He wasn't sure if that made him feel better or worse.

He could remember his friend's funeral. He had seemed to have lost his mind. He had no idea what to do. Without her at his side, he would have completely lost sight of everything he had worked for. He wouldn't have been able to tell the different between right and wrong. Those lines blurred far too often. But he could remember, she had stood next to him with that sullen expression she wore so well. She was standing by his side, her spirit seeming to meld with his and make him feel like there was a light somewhere in this dark, dreary world. She had been standing close, but not quite close enough to lean on. Just close enough that her fingers brushed the back of his hand when she shifted her position.

That was enough, all it took. It started raining. Starting with a slow drizzle and progressing into a full-blown storm. His cheeks and eyes were soaked. She wasn't wet at all. Was it really only raining on him? She humored him. Said 'Yes, Sir.' like a good little girl and led him inside.

This is why he loved her. Not because she was beautiful, not because she was smart. No, it was a reason so much more than that. So much more important than something external like that. He loved her for her heart, her soul, her very being. A world without Riza Hawkeye was like a world without oxygen. Not only couldn't her live without her, he couldn't maintain the fire in his heart without her. Fire without oxygen slowly sputtered and wet out completely. Just as his heart would without her.

Perhaps that was his worst demon. He had fallen in love. Not with any old girl, but the girl of his dreams. One that would follow him to the grave, or go to hers so that he would live to see another day. The girl he had known since they were children. The daughter of his teacher. She was more like a sister than a lover to him, in all reality. Granted, a sister that was close to him on a much deeper level than most siblings.

Inner demons… They were always able to kick you while you were down. They always did, all of them. Except one. When he was down and getting kicked in the face everywhere he looked, he always knew that he could turn to one person, and one person only. He could turn to her. She would always be standing there with arms wide open and a smiling face.

He was endlessly thankful for this, because he hadn't the slightly clue what he would do without her guidance.


End file.
